“I have regained my self-worth and I know who I am again.” – Sinead’s Story

“It started with the jibes. The name calling. He would keep needling me and when I reacted, he made me out to be the bad one. 

He made me feel like I was crazy. I remember feeling so isolated. That everything was all my fault. I look back and see that I spent a lot of time hoping things would get better. 

His actions were subtle at the beginning. Over the course of a few months, my world became so small. Everyday activities, seeing friends for coffee or spending time with family, were taken away from me.  

Then came the financial control. He insisted we have a shared bank account after our first child.   

I remember a schoolteacher once telling our class: ‘Always have your escape money.’  

I tried desperately to have my own safety net. But he knew, and he would exploit that. Constantly demanding money to buy alcohol – twenty here, twenty there.  

This meant I had no money for groceries, fuel for a fire or hot water. Things were falling into disrepair in the house, and I couldn’t fix them. I had to stockpile food in the freezer and used hand-me-downs to dress the baby. 

Nothing could just be yours – a hobby, a bank account. 

His grip became so strong. He made me feel powerless. I had to be there to answer his calls, to send him the money. It was during this period that I stopped seeing my family. I was completely under his thumb. There was a lot of abuse, it was just so terrible. 

When he returned from work, he would demand dinner on the table. Then the drinking would begin, and the abuse intensified. From the time he came home until he went to bed, it was hell.  

When I tried to have a life outside of the house, away from him, he would say: Are you actually insane? 

Despite all odds, I managed to organise childcare once a month to attend a woman’s group in my area. 

It was bittersweet to see the women there living normal, active lives, knowing what I had to return to.  

I had forgotten I could enjoy my life. It was like living in a parallel universe. I saw that I had lost myself, in every single way.  

I was merely existing.  He was always putting me down, standing in doorways, intimidating me. The abuse became so bad, I never left our child with him and so rarely had a moment to myself. I just wanted to keep her safe.  

I see now that she was my motivation to get out. I needed to protect her. 

I began to slowly talk about the abuse to one friend in the group who happened to work for COPE Galway. She suggested I call their domestic abuse service.  

So, I rang and hung up a few times. I was terrified.  

When I finally spoke, it was a relief that somebody took the time to listen, someone who believed me. That conversation and subsequent meetings validated what was happening.  

During these early stages, I began to see a brighter future for myself and my child.  

I spoke to my GP who put me in touch with other supports, which helped me pay bills and get fuel.  

The months after that are a blur, and with help, I made some crucial changes and got away from him. I think of myself during this recovery period as a Phoenix rising from the flames. You are burning, and you have been trapped for so long, but you slowly start climbing out with your fingernails.  

If we stayed with him, I do not think I would be alive today, that’s the truth of it. 

Fast forward to now, and life is okay. As hard as it is, there is support out there. I see that it is possible to totally rebuild your life. You have choices.  You just have to take that first step.  

I often bring myself back to my darkest moment, sitting in that room, terrified and completely stuck in a dark hole, with no ladder. While things are not always perfect now, that image helps me through any speed bumps along the way. I know things will never be as bad as they were back then. 

I now help women who have faced similar challenges. As a professional trainer, my programmes are built to assist women to take back their power and make their own choices about what comes next.  

I have regained my self-worth and I know who I am again.  

What I have learned is you always have options and that YOU are in the driving seat. You don’t have to wait. You can own your future. To know the ball is in your court is so empowering.”

Details changed to protect privacy. 

This story was first published in the 2024 COPE Galway Annual Report.

If you or someone you know is experiencing coercive control and/or domestic abuse, support is available. Whenever you are ready to talk, we are here to listen.

Contact our Domestic Abuse Service, any time, on 091 565 985.